Ahh, New freaking year hey! ?
I have such a funny perception of time this whole year. My mind is still stuck somewhere in summer time, don’t fully know why but these last 5 months just flew by and lots of parts of them are perceived like a dream, that’s how my brain is storing memories, dreamlike feeling and pictures in my mind with it that are holding 1000 emotions in every single image. I guess that’s why l love taking pictures so much, cause every single one l look at takes me directly back to that place of emotions l was in at that present moment whiles documenting those images.
My bosses came in right after (on the same day) l came back to UK from my 10 day visit in Slovenia in the beginning of December. They are staying one more week, so this is my busiest period work wise after 2 years. So far things run quite smoothly, except chronic lack of usual me and alone time. Days are just passing by, I’m focused on day by day, moment by moment. The main house is all Christmasy, l even spent Christmas eve with my English/Irish family at James’s brother’s house. Was lovely, felt like proper family time.
It’s a very strange sensation actually these past 3-4 weeks, it seems that l can hardly feel anything. Feels like a part of me is on autopilot mode, dealing with everyday responsibilities, taking care of this human vessel and my dog. And the soul part, took a back seat and is along for a ride, observing everything without judgment and this numbness kicking in. The only thing that makes me feel something deep inside is music…music always had the ability to fish out those emotions that sunk to the bottom of my ocean. And there it is, my soul as well – in the depths – waiting to emerge again. I can very well feel it’s rumbling when in solitude and on my walks…especially when seemingly “insignificant” moments humble me to the point of watery eyes.
Looking back on this year, can definitely feel the prime universal truth – that change is the only constant in the universe and our lives. After first few months has passed my 6 years relationship ended. Was quite a big thing for me and very much needed. Can’t express this gratefulness of freeing my soul enough. This was very essential for me to get back i touch with my inner being and to step on this path of colliding with my higher self. This deed was a first step towards awaking of my soul and bringing back much delayed sparks and magic of my being and authenticity.
In May I went back home to Slovenia for my brother’s wedding, was such a heartfelt time seeing all the vast family. I’m not taking these things for granted now, living away from them for past 4 years. Funny how life teaches you all the important lessons if one is willing to learn. In June I was back in Slovenia again, this time devoting my time to some new amazing friends as well as old ones. Friendship is such a beautiful form of love. This year I’ve got the whole new outlook on this matter. My love levels inside of me skyrocketed…for all forms of love really. Love for myself, love for this planet, animals, friendship, other relationships, love for the ones who don’t deserve it…meeting all with love. The perception of it completely changes when you embody it rather than just feeling it somewhere in the shallows.
When coming back from Slovenia, my friend Anita and her partner with their son joined me here in England for a week. I did my best to show them my reality here and they absolutely loved it. Was such a good way to share my time here with people who know me back home. Not many Slovenians visited me here yet. July and August were half working and half fun & socializing. Our bond with my best mates and gardeners here really deepened and I have never laughed so much on regular basis as l did and still do with those two. I will sincerely miss you guys when l leave.
In September my parents came to stay for a week…which was such a great gift from me to them. They were in england once before, 4 years ago when l was just starting my journey here. And this upgrade was quite a reality check for them of how my life really looks like. How happy and content l am in it and how l fit in and made this home. They even met my English/Irish “substitute” family here and were really pleased that l have people around with whom l’m forming meaningful friendships. They loved my leveling up and they enjoyed their time here with me – as did l.
October was my birthday month and l pretty much describe it in my previous blog found here. It flew by like it had 2 weeks in it.
November was quite something. As mentioned in previous blog, S from USA joined me here for two and half weeks. I had no expectations how this will unfold and look like, I expected that time will fly by like it usually does when having fun. But this time – it was different. S and l were sometimes joking that I’m a time bender because time is really perceived different around or with me. I dislike routines so l keep none. Everything is lived to the moment as much as l can possibly be in. And l don’t usually follow normal time flow, so mornings can be evenings spent in bed and you can have morning in the middle of the night. And saying that, I’m amazed what “simple” things like great company, open hearts, similar perception and gratitude, humbleness, amazing food, road trips, scenery and music can really do if played out right – or in this case – with the person who can appreciate same things.
Meeting this soul again after such time has past and exploring what kind of connection we’ve got here, taught me a lot about myself this year. Taught me that spiritual connections are a must for me and something l definitely need in my future king. It is the necessity from which everything else can or can’t develop. But at the very same time it taught me that the physical connection and flowyness and effortlessness in the physical and emotional part is also very important. Crucial even. One more big part learnt – listen to your intuition. If things feel off – dig deeper and don’t throw the “it’s fine” glasses on. It’s easy to focus on the good and missing the signs of little things just not being right. And last lesson – honesty – don’t expect other people will have the same level of honesty just because you’re absolutely honest with them. It’s a rare trait these days.
The experience ended as it should – lessons learned, a clear feeling of what l want and deserve obtained and wishing his soul and mine’s separate happiness.
And after he left for USA my friend from Slovenia – who lived in Malta for past 3 years – Maja came to visit me here. Was sooo good to finally show her my reality here in UK and catching up.
In the end of November l went back home for 10 days, socialize with people l adore and love for the last time in 2018. Slovenia gave me another friend I adore, her name is Anamarie. My soul sister. My time in Slovenia is always limited but because of that always so fulfilling and “exploited” to the maximum. Thank you all my beautiful soul(family) for making my time back home extra sweet and special. I had such profound moments spent with all of you that are forever stored in my heart. I really do love every single one of you.
And l have found myself in this last day of December, summing up my year.
I have a bitter/sweet feelings (or lack of feelings) for this year ending. I can for sure say that December is not my favorite month. A lot of unpleasant 3D things also occurred, that l don’t really wanna discus or write about, not even give them my energy in form of thought really. It’s like: ok, this is the stuff that is in your world at the moment and you have to deal with it – so l let the emotions to come and as easily letting them go. Meaning l don’t feel upset, uneased or sad about anything that is happening. Detachment. My main inner state is still peacefulness, love and light instead of darkness. The only thing that changed is setting boundaries higher and more visible for people to notice.
I’m definitely ending this year with a clear picture of what l deserve, what l need, what l want in this next page of my journey toward myself and my higher self. And next year is all about getting/manifesting/creating that reality into this existence. And how exactly will it look like, with whom it may be shared, where it will all unfold is staying wide open to all the possibilities and probabilities that life can present to me. It has a unique and funny way of surprising me this life – that’s for sure. ?
Universe (in me), lets make this happen!!
And to all of you, I’m wishing you clarity, heartfelt moments, peacefulness, fulfillment. ❤
LETS ROCK 2019.