So ok, here it goes.
I know I’m bad at posting regularly, but I promise this time I have a very good reason for it. And this whole blog is my online journal and gathering of memories anyways, so it’s more for me than all of you anyway. 😊
My previous post was about 3 months ago, when I was still in what feels like a previous life almost. It seems like in this last 3 months whole new way of being is emerging from my depths, a being that broke through when it was unheard and locked away behind the limitations of the mind and perceptions. It was that breaking point in my life, when last 6 months were full of important tough “thinking”, where my soul just could not be insulted anymore and where my heart wanted to be heard. Time for big, bold decisions, time to step up to my true being. Time for stop participating in anything that does not match my energy anymore and everything that doesn’t resonate on deeper level. It was also the time to set myself and my ex partner free after 6 years and beginning of creating our separate lives. Ohh we both needed this.
Summer here is my busiest period work wise as well, since bosses are on the property during summer holidays & I’m one “woman” band now work wise. So my rational mind expected it will be a tough summer, regarding just breaking up, new beginning, all the responsibility on my shoulders… So I just did what I do best – I surrendered in the moment, into now. Taking every day as it came and that kinda hushed my rational mind. And as the outcome – something beautiful has happened. All the work was done flowy, my energy quite high and steady, everything felt effortlessly. The bosses very pleased, my days filled with joy and music and dancing & singing through that hot evening walks with Gaia and working during the day. And this unpredictable dog of mine changed completely in this 3 months. She walks everywhere with me without a lead, behaving, listening, chasing under control, she’s good with small female dogs – which she always wanted to kill in the past. My gardeners can’t believe her transformation. It’s like someone has replaced her with this awesome new being I’m just getting to know in all new ways. It’s beautiful. ❤ So this busiest period went by quite quickly and smoothly.
So how did my life turned around since staying solo and single here in England?
Well as you can imagine – it did. ☺
It took a turn – that’s very unexpected for me as well. Usually in my past – I’ve never coped well with being totally on my own. I was always lacking a presence of a “special” soul, to share my mind & my deepest thoughts with, share my world with and my being.
But somehow in this period of my life, this big leap forward happened in my behavior patterns. Like I’m in the process of re-writing them really. I can honestly say, I have never, ever felt this way before. Ever.
I will try my best to put this in words somehow.
My life changed from being quite introverted, not so sociable. Closed into my world and that time reality. And now it’s the opposite, I expanded socially – but still retreat to solitude regularly for recharging. I’ve formed so many different levels of relationships, different levels of representation of love that I’m quite taken away by in this past 3 months. It seems that “the universe” found a match that lit my soul on fire. I have never felt so much love for everything around me and everyone around me. It feels like this energy of love & light filled every dark corner of my body and just took over. I am forming such rich and full versions of different form/type/depths of love possibly imagined. I feel quite humble by it. They are all almost equally important to me, to all this relationships the common core is deep love, but the intensity is very different. And I say almost equally, because there is the connection I just recently rediscovered in myself and another being, which is really special to me. A bond so pure, so uplifting, so freeing and limitless, so undefined and exciting – that it feels like magic itself. It was ignited somewhere in The Greater world quite some years ago and put on hold till now. Funny how “time” works. So I’m very grateful for that. It’s pure magic! ❤
Ahh…If I could describe how my energy “translates” to people around me now that my soul is free and alive again and higher self is settling in. To people it probably seems like I’m this positive person all the time, full of happiness and joy. But it’s not always like that. I can also be very submerged in solitude and not wanting to see people for days. But the constant presence in my being is now this embodiment of love in my essence. And people can pick this up I tell you. My bosses can see it, my two best friends (my gardeners) can see it, random people and strangers crossing my path can feel it.
I really, honestly thought that I will struggle a bit. In lonely times, in sleepless nights, in my deep private thoughts and reflections. But it’s the very opposite. Looks like I grew in quite strong being. I’m also becoming more and more grateful and humble every day, on my work, on my walks, driving in my car over this well known routes now, still seeing all the beauty of it and it’s beginning to feel like home.
Like everything that has happened in my life, every hardship, every broken moments, all the sadness and pain endured by this being finally brought “us” (my lower & higher self) here. To this form. So devoted to my unknown path, so submerged in surrendering of what may come. Of corse I also have some “future plans”, it’s not all living in the moment (although the plans are still made in the now 😉 ). This is after all the perfect time to explore, invent and crate my life and myself to the next stage. My next form. My higher self. My free’er self.
I never ever want to lose this feeling ever again. So if my future partner will be reading this somehow – if you can’t accept me totally and without the limitations, free and wild, without toxic attachment – would want to tame me – just forget about approaching me altogether. 🙂
So what’s near future bringing?
Well, I really feel that the universe loves me and has my back in right now. I’m just getting gift after gift after gift. ❤ But than again – one has to be at certain level to tune in and noticing and “get” the gifts right? 😋
So my busy work period ended on 21st of August. I’m back to my well balanced, peaceful and newly sociable way of spending my time out of routine again with quite a lot of freedom at my disposal. I will love and enjoy the heck out of this summer ending.
In 7 days my parents are finally visiting me here, in end of September – beginning of October for my birthday I’m probably in Malta again, In the mids of October I’m meeting this amazing being in Amsterdam. Word of notice here – there are some people on this planet that will literally cross an ocean to see and meet you. October holidays the bosses are in and in November maybe Prague or Slovenia. In December the bosses come in again. And then it will be the time to pack the main house, since the renovations are starting from January next year – meaning I’m getting even more freedom. Ahh, such a perfect timing.
Just as I was writing all of this that is written till here, sitting outside the Wild Rabbits on the terrace on a sunny Sunday afternoon a week ago – the universe gave me another gift. It is such an amazing feeling recognizing the synchronicities. ❤
So as my time was freed up – I really wanted to attend this Big Feastival – holding place for three days in Kingham, the next village from mine. The tickets were all sold off and I was thinking I won’t go. I couldn’t attend last years, since l was working.
And then the universe send in these two beings in a form of men on Sunday afternoon in the Rabbits. Sitting the opposite tables outside, we began to chat. It went flowy and energy was quite interesting. And then they mentioned they’ve got this free weekend tickets if I want them. See? Just endless gifts. ❤😊😁 We ended up chatting some more and me joining them by their table. Spent next few hours together and was soo refreshing being so completely open with 2 people I’ve never met. And that’s why we clicked straight from the beginning.
One week later (right now, sitting in Wild Rabbits, finishing what I started a week ago when I met them), we hang at my place, had quite a magical time, so easy going, such acceptance from all sides. We spent time together at the “feastival”, was just an awesome week altogether! Love it! Hope we remain friends, I really enjoyed their company. 😍
There were even some spare tickets for James, my co-worker and my best friend here. Ahh I adore that being! He is like a brother to me (since me and my real brother in Slovenia are not that close). He and his family is my new English/Irish family here. I love them deeply. All our talks in the greenhouse, everything we do for each other, all the invitations to the pub and to their home sharing food and company. I just love it. His father even introduces me as his daughter to random people. 😀 How beautiful is that?
Life can be beyond beautiful. And life can be beyond painful. The only difference between these two polarities is your perception and your inner world really. And that is the state of mind and being that everyone can get to – if they would really want to. I’ve made soooo many changes in my life, sometimes feel like I’ve lived few different versions of life or reality in these 33 years of my existence. So I know for sure that you can create your own reality. It can be very tough and limiting if you are creating with your rational mind and if your ego is leading the process. But if you just dig up that little bit of courage or are properly fed up with your reality – and start to listen to your heart a bit more and let your soul lead the way – ohh I promise you, life will feel like magic! ❤ And with this magic also comes the responsibility. To other peoples worlds and perceptions. Sometimes you collide and work your magic in synergy and sometimes it doesn’t work out and you have to let things go. That’s why I cherish people when spending time with them – like it’s the last day I’m seeing them – cause sometimes it is.
So I’ll just continue to be this love & light for everyone and everything that crosses my path. There’s way to many masks around, way to many fake words, fake shows, fake giving. I’ll bring a bit of purity back into the world, a bit of authenticy. What can really go wrong? 😊😚